Tag Archives: football

Cray Wanderers F.C.

8 Feb

Hayes Lane, Bromley

Rymans Premier League

2 January 2013

Cray Wanderers  0    v   Concord Rangers  2 (att 155 )


Team talk. So this is the New Year, and I have no resolutions. Well, Death Cab for Cutie, that’s not strictly true as my resolution this year was to put more blog posts up on time. The date of this post about a Cray game we went to early last month speaks volumes about how this commitment is going. Lack of time can hardly be an excuse, as a conspiracy between the weather Gods and non-league refs has meant few games have been played recently due to snow, soggy pitches, broken floodlights, and dodgy walls. Hardly the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse but enough to keep the punters off the terraces of Kingsmeadow, Champion Hill, Eden Park, Croydon Arena, and the like. This dearth of football leaves me longing for the halcyon days of tannoy takeovers, bank holiday doubles, and random trips to watch the football at the Oval.

Established in the 1860s in the villages of St Mary Cray and St Pauls Cray (the Cray twins), Cray Wanderers F.C. ‘aka the Wands’ can lay claim to being the third oldest football clubs in the world. They recently celebrated their 150th anniversary with a tournament that featured two other golden very oldies, Sheffield F.C. and Hallam F.C. Interestingly Cray are also a rare southern example of a team formed by railway workers (on the London to Kent line) – something that seems to be more common up north.

Cray spent much of the early twentieth century switching between London and Kent based leagues. Notable successes in this period included winning the London league three years on the trot between 1956/7 and 1958/9. Settling in the Kent league in 1977, they remained there until they gained promotion to the Isthmian League in 2004. In 2008/9 the beat Pigeon Stand figures of fun the Met Police to earn a further promotion to the Isthmian Premier where they play today. Mixed fortunes for Cray in the 2012/13 season has left them hovering in the mid table area.

Cray currently ground share at Hayes Lane with Bromley after they were unable to meet league requirements and install floodlights at their previous ground in Oxford Road. More details about the old ground can be found on the excellent Grounds for Concern.   Eagle eyed readers of this blog will know that we have written about Hayes Lane before – a more detailed description of the ground can be found here.

…..and the game. The thing that grabs you when you when entering Hayes Lane for a Cray game is how little signage relating to Cray there is. This is odd given how many signs there are knocking around the ground (see previous post).

Even Masini gets a bloody sign

Even Masini gets a bloody sign

The main area given over to Cray is a large temporary building in the far corner of the ground. This serves as a board room and also has a nice little club shop selling club merchandise and also a good range of old programmes (I picked up a Hamlet v Bromley programme from 1988 for 10p).

Cray shed to left of main stand

Cray shed to left of main stand

Board room entrance

Board room entrance

Sneak peak inside booard room... best not ask what goes on in here

Sneak peak inside board room…god only knows!!

Club shed entrance

Club shed entrance

Inside shop

Inside shop

Non league booty

Non league booty

The game itself was pretty poor actually. Cray looked shoddy at the back and highly susceptible to high balls into the box. Concord were no great shakes and 2-0 probably flattered them a bit. Cray were really poor in front of goal and never really looked like scoring.


9Post game rub down. It is hard to recommend a visit to see Cray as the experience is as per Bromley, but with less people and (on this occasion) noticeably poorer football. In some instances ground sharing arrangements seem to work well and make economic sense in these times of economic pressure. However, it is genuinely sad to see a historic club like Cray without a proper home. Hopefully we’ll be visiting them at a new home ground sometime soon.  Luckily, this house covered in Christmas decorations was on hand near the ground to cheer us up…..

There is a house behind here somewhere

There is a house behind here somewhere



Lewisham Borough (Community) FC

5 Oct

Ladywell Arena, Catford, SE6 4QX

22 September 2012

London Senior Cup

Lewisham Borough (Community) FC 2 v Kent Football United FC 0 (attendance 36)


Team talk. Lewisham Borough (Community) Football Club was formed in 2003 through the merger of Moonshot AFC, AFC Lewisham, and the brilliantly named Ten Em Bee. The club play their league football in the Kent Invicta Football League (step 6). But today was all about the cup, the London Senior Cup. A special day for Lewisham too, as this was the first time they had been allowed to compete in the London Senior Cup for 4 years due to ground facilities not ticking all the necessary boxes.

Lewisham Borough was long overdue a visit as the club is geographically the closest to Pigeon Stands HQ in Brockley. This would also be our first trip to a sub step 5 ground, so naturally we were pretty excited.

Today’s opposition is fellow Kent Invicta league Kent Football United, who currently ground share with Pigeon Stands favourites VCD Athletic. Unfortunately Kent FC are not a massively bank rolled non league dream team of the Kent’s best of the best. However, there was evidence of delusions of grandeur in the way they rip off both the Inter Milan kit and badge, perhaps they were setting themselves up for a fall…

Lewisham FC could not be accused of similar flashiness, the club the badge is just the council logo. In some ways this is nice and gives them a real community link. In other ways the badge, along with the bright yellow high vis shirts reminds me a bit of the bin men that wake me up every Friday.

Council badge

Park the bus. Lewisham play at the Ladywell Arena, which is between Catford and Ladywell (zone 3). Frequent trains from Charing Cross and London Bridge (about 15 mins).

Home advantage. The Arena is best approached from the Ladywell side, as Ladywell Fields makes a pleasant plod (the Ladywell Tavern or Ravensbourne Arms are recommend for pre/post match drinks). If you’re approaching from the Catford end then the Catford Bridge Tavern is highly recommended. Also keep a look at for what is left of the old Catford Dog Track, which mysteriously burnt down a few years back. When I say mysteriously, I mean suspiciously.

Ladywell fields approach

The Arena itself serves as a multi purpose community sports facility. The football pitch forms only a small part of the site that is dominated more by track and field. There is hammer throwing net, long jump, and also running track which encircles the football pitch (cue tiresome pub debate about football grounds with running tracks). In addition to these sports, Ladywell Arena wins our award for the most obscure other sport accommodated within a ground… petanque.

Pitch view from north end



You enter the ground at the south end, which is where the club house is. We were greeted warmly at the gate by Ray Simpson, the Chairman of the club (£3 in, which includes a programme that would put may Isthmian clubs to shame in terms of content). Recognised as newbies Ray was keen to give us the warmest of welcomes, show us around all that Lewisham Borough has to offer and share his plans for football world domination which (like most good plans) started with getting a bar on site.

The clubhouse itself is pretty nice to look at, having been built in a sort of pavilion style. Outside the clubhouse there is a raised terrace area that makes a good option for watching the game (this will also be a great drinking terrace when they get that bar up and running).That said, pitch side seemed to be the place most people headed for, where you can sit on the grass close to the touchline. There is also a directors bench for the big wigs and old boys.


Club house

Leave you Javelins at the door gents

Pitchside chillout

Directors box

Alternatively, if you are a tight fisted butt muncher who can’t even shell out £3 to support your local community (whilst no doubt happy have to pay £50 per month to that arse Murdoch and his Sky buds) you can watch the game for nothing from a pedestrian bridge at then end of the ground. Non league dogging really is starting to take off, it must be the economic climate.

Return of the non league doggers

Prawn sandwiches. Half time tea and food can be purchased from a hole in the wall of the clubhouse. We were beaten to the snack bar by the match officials – thankfully they had not eaten the club out of bacon butties by the time we got there.

Linos in tea line

The club bar will be open in about three weeks according to Ray. Just in time for winter.

…..and the game. Anyone expecting football at this level to be the equivalent of watching kids kicking a ball around in the park will be surprised (and should also probably stop reading this blog). This was a well contested game with both teams putting together some good moves in possession. Speaking with the dad of one of the Lewisham defenders we found out that the team had been almost completely put together anew for this season. This was not apparent from watching the game, which is a real credit to them.

Both teams went at it in the first half, and were probably about equal in possession and chances created. Kent had the front two of Elstrom Die and Alex Tiesse  amongst their ranks. We know both these players to be talented footballers who have played at higher levels and the Lewisham defence did really well to keep them both quiet football wise and limit their noise to nothing but bitching and moaning and a bit of prima dona antics when decisions didn’t go their way (a tip guys, stay on bloody side!).

The first goal came for Lewisham on 15 mins, a cracking half volley that was the product of a really nice team move to spread the play into space. Lewisham doubled the tally just before half time to lead two nil at the break.

The second half was a more scrappy affair, which will have suited Lewisham who looked content to protect their lead. It finished 2-0 but perhaps Kent deserved a goal.

Watching the Lewisham team warm down after the game it was clear from the mood that progressing further in a cup they have been out of for so long gave them a massive lift. Hopefully they can carry this forward into the league.

Man of the match. This has to go to our new friend Ray. He won a couple of new fans with his welcome at the door and the way he went busily about everything throughout the game. Hope he at least got to watch a bit of the match and celebrate the win with the team after the game. It’s guys like Ray that make non-league tick.

Post game rub down. Well recommended for the trip – particularly when the sun is out where lounging on the grass bank watching the game is a real winner. The bar will be a bonus too.

Next up. Lewisham Borough’s next home game is 20 October against Ashford United in the League Cup. Other fixtures can be found here

Chessington and Hook United

21 Apr

Chalky Lane, Chessington

9 April 2012

Chessington & Hook United 0   v  Molesey  1 (circa  60)

Team talk. Taking full advantage of the long Easter weekend, and scheduling that saw some Combined Countries games kicking off at 11:30am, we decided to hit up two games in south west London. In the afternoon we would visit Corinthian Casuals (report to follow) leaving us at an early kick off at Chessington and Hook United in the morning. Regular readers of this blog will know that we did a double header last year when we saw VCD Athletic and Dartford. The decision to visit these games saw us miss a massive 6-0 win for our own Dulwich Hamlet. This lead to a pact that we would never again visit other London teams when Dulwich are at home, in case the curse of Edgar Kail struck again. Dulwich were not playing today so we thought we would be able to head south west without adverse consequence.

Chessington & Hook United in its modern guise resulted from the alliance of Chessington United Football Club and Hook Youth/United in 1986. The Club gained senior status and promotion to the Combined Counties in 1997 and have been there ever since. The 2010/11 season saw Chessington finish 6th in the CoCo, a record for them.

This season the team has failed to building on the impressive finish of last, and are currently relegation threatened towards the foot of the league.  Today’s opponents were play-off hopefuls and Pigeon Stands favourites the Molesey Moles.

Park the bus. Chessington’s Chalky Lane arena (no doubt named after Rick Stein’s dead dog) is a 15 minute walk from Chessington South (zone 6) main line station. Trains run every half hour or so from London Waterloo and take just over half an hour.

Home advantage. The visit to Chessington had fun written all over it. The ground is pretty much across the road from Chessington World of Adventures (the southern equivalent of Lightwater Valley), which is signposted from the station. It’s also right next door to the headquarters of SEGA arcades. Even though we chose to visit on a day when the wind was up and it never stopped raining, surely Chessington and Hook would not fail to deliver on the fun factor! Or would it?

A world of adventure or pain?

Chalky Lane is little more than a narrow lane off a major road which leaves you with that weird feeling of being in the middle of suburbia one minute and then in a more rural setting the next. The rural atmosphere was reinforced by the sound of distant trails bikes motoring around throughout the game.

The Club prides itself on the fact that it is maintained on a purely voluntary basis. All the Committee members, trainers, managers, ground staff and adult helpers are unpaid, as are the players (in fact the players pay a fee to play for the team). This is not surprising as the Chalky Lane ground screams makeshift. You approach the pitch via a narrow walkway bounded by high timber fences. There is no turnstile so we paid a fella sat next to a white plastic box (£7 in, no program – seemed a bit steep to us).

Welcome one and all

Once in, all the usual stuff (club house, toilets, burger bar) is located at the south end. There is also a large pigeon stand at this end that looks to have been formed from bits of scaff and sheeting – a real A-Team job (BA would be proud). We spent most of our time at this end as (a) it was chucking it down and everywhere else looked grim and (b) we found ourselves next to a guy who looked just like Swiss Tony of Fast Show fame, which was far more entertaining than the match.

Pitty the fool

Swiss Tony

The rest of the ground is basically a pitch with a fence running around it and a small covered seating area on the east side. The ground is open on the north side, which led to us getting even more battered by wind and rain. Easily the best thing about the ground is the UPVc conservatory dugouts (with home and way painted on the inside). Unfortunately they were not kitted out with wicker furniture.

East stand inside

UPVc dugouts

Fat lino anyone?

Prawn sandwiches. The inside of the club house is the usual 70s social club vernacular – which I always find strangely cosy. There is a dart board for a few half time games of the arrows.  Didn’t have the beer as it was a morning kick off, but it looked to be standard fare.

Burger hole

There is a burger bar outside that also sells a selection of icepops.  The guy behind the counter told me with surprise that the icepops always went down well and that he had even sold a couple during the first half – it was NOT a day for icepops!

…..and the game. Considering the poor weather and the bobbly looking Chessington pitch we knew this would not be a classic. Chessington were an unknown quantity to us, but we knew that Moseley were a team who like to pass it about. These conditions would not suit them.

So the first half was a scrappy affair during which Moseley went one up. We have no idea who scored as there was no programme available to buy at the ground. Chessington always looked second best but had their moments. Fair play to the Moles though, who against all odds managed to play some nice stuff in the second half. They deserved their second goal, which was a wonder chip over the keeper from 25 yards by Lewis Ackerman. He definitely meant to do it, but looked as shocked as everyone else that it went in. No Premier league showboating here, no sir.

A mole sitting on a pole

Man of the match. It would be cruel to give this to the train driver who took us away from Chessington. But this really was one of those days where you wish you’d just stayed at home. I guess Swiss Tony is in with a shout purely for keeping our spirits up.

Post game rub down. Not a favourite visit. The conditions certainly didn’t help – but I personally found little to recommend a trip to Chessington and Hook. Comparisons with the set up at Moseley are completely unfair as the clubs have come from different places leaguewise. Let’s just say that I am not Chessington and Hooks biggest fan…. but this is!!

Massive fan

Bromley FC

11 Mar

Hayes Lane, Bromley

Blue Square South

6 March 2012

Bromley 1 v Staines Town 1 (att 233)

Team talk. Bromley FC was founded in 1892 and has the honour of being one of the earlier entrants to the Isthmian League by playing in only its fourth season (1908/09) . Bromley won the league in that year and again in 1909/10, 1953/54, and 1960/61. Bromley’s wilderness years (or a season to be more precise) is the subject of Dave Roberts’ book “The Bromley Boys”. The book is basically the authors account of the 1969/70 Isthmian League season where Bromley finished bottom of the league having been beaten 31 times and conceded 111 goals. The book has the subtitle of “the true story of supporting the worst football team in Britain”, which is why I imagine it is nowhere to be seen in the Bromley club shop. Bromley Boys is a recommended read as, whilst set in the 1960’s, some of the experiences will definitely strike a chord with any football fan who has trailed stupid distances to stand in the cold with 20-30 other people and watch their team get pumped. Non readers can fear not, a film of the book is rumoured and Bradley Pitts has already signed up to play Dave Roberts.

As noted in Bromley Boys, the team’s record attendance (which still stands) at Hayes Lane is of note. This is a game in 1949 when 10’000 people crowded in to watch Bromley play a Nigeria select eleven. Nigeria beat Bromley 3-1 with many of the visitors players choosing to play the game with bare feet. The post of the Nigeria tour from the ever fascinating Hamlet Historian (AKA Jack Mcinroy) is well worth a read for more details on this.

Recent years saw Bromley promoted from the Isthmian Premier to the Conference South as play off winners in 2006/07. Since promotion they have consolidated their position in the Conference South. The 2011/12 season has not been a good one so far for Bromley. At the start of play today they were looming close to the relegation zone. Their opponents, Staines Town, were in a similar position. This meant that the game had the air of the mathematically improbable 6 pointer about it.

Park the bus. Bromley’s stadium on Hayes Lane is approx 15 minutes walk from Bromley South Station – easily accessible from town by trains that take about 15 minutes from London Victoria.

Home advantage. The stadium is approached up a narrow road off the main Hayes Lane. Walking past the stables close to the ground gives it an almost rural setting that may I imagine has not changed much since Dave Roberts’ days.

Through the main turnstile (£12 in for an adult) you are confronted with a small shed/stable that slightly resembles a Punch and Judy booth where the programmes are sold (£2.50).

That's the way to do it.

One of the most likeable things about Hayes Lane is the variety of standing/seating positions to watch the game, each offering a slightly different perspective.

Those wanting elevation and maximum exposure to the elements should head to the east side. Standing at the top of the concrete steps that run the length of this side, with no cover or solid fence dividing the ground from the open fields beyond gives you a great view of the game but leaves you massively open to the gales that blow across the ground. Warning – this is one of the coldest parts of Hayes Lane, and that’s really saying something as Bromley is one of the coldest grounds I have been to.

East side

For those wanting cover, a closer view of the game, and perhaps a bit of nostalgia – head for the south end. Here you’ll find covered seating across the end of the pitch that is close to the action. You also get to sit on some really characterful (if not at all comfortable) timber benches. The opposite end is similar but with concrete steps to stand on rather than the benches.

South end

North end

If you want closeness, elevation, and access to the bars then head for the main stand on the west side. The atmosphere here is nowhere near as good as the ends (where the more vocal support tends to hang out) but you do get to hob knob with the officials who have an enclosure here (or fenced off bit to be more precise).

West stand

Hob nobbing

A top tip when visiting Bromley, particularly if the game is not so exciting, is to play the thrilling Pigeon Stands game “Spot that Sign”. The aim here is to see how many different types of safety signs you can spot dotted around the pitch. We assume from all the signs that either the people of Bromley are the most litigious in all of London or that Hayes Lane is really dangerous (maybe get some insurance before visiting). A select few are below but there are many many more to be seen.

The toilet drop

Secret Bromley ploy to slow down the opposition?

For any fans planning to scale the floodlights

This is not an exit (secret Seafood reference.. YES!)

Prawn sandwiches. Hospitality is one of the things that Bromley does very well. Bromley punches well above its weight in non league football by having two bars. There are not many places you can turn up to, as we did, to be told apologetically at the gate that there would only be one bar open that evening.

The main bar (that was open) is in the main stand and is fantastic. Very similar to the one at Dulwich Hamlet in many ways, in that it is at the upper level of the main stand and has big windows where (on cold nights like this one) you can watch the game in the warmth. A key feature of the operation of the bar itself is the organised queuing system that they have in place for getting your half time ale – far more civilised than the useful free for all and very similar to the level of bar organisation seen recently in Germany at SSV Jahn Regensburg. Ales on offer are also of great quality and include beers from the Shepherd Neame brewery.

An orderly bar

Outside there is a burger van (of course) where a bacon, egg, and cheese burger with chips can be yours for £6:50. The club shop is also well worth a visit if your looking to get kitted out or grab a mug.


…..and the game. Turning up at the game we were surprised to see no players warming up on the pitch. We soon found out that this was because kick off was going to be delayed as the Staines players were stuck in traffic on the M25 – we were told was that kick off would be at 8:15 instead of 7:45. Once the Staines players had turned up we then heard reports that there would be further delays. The chat in the club shop (always a good place for semi correct gossip) was that Staines had turned up without kits and that the kit man was still stuck on the orbital. We heard that offers for Staines to play in Bromley’s away kit were turned down in favour of leaving everyone to wait in the cold until the their kits turned up. I’d have made the dicks play in their skins. Perhaps they’d have beaten the traffic with a better map…….

The game finally got underway at 8:45. It’s not hard to see why both teams are struggling a bit this year. Of the two, Bromley looked slightly better, fairly strong upfront and ok at the back (although Staines didn’t really challenge much) but no midfield presence to speak of. The Bromley goal came first and was the result of an awful keeper, defender rebound/mix up. Bromley continued to be the better side for the first half and most of the second – although oddly opted to remove any counter attacking threat mid second half by putting on a big fella who was not as effective at chasing the ball. We missed the Staines goal as it came late in the game and we had trains to catch, but I understand it came from a set piece (the only way Staines were ever going to score in my view). Match highlights can be found here

Man of the match. I was really impressed with the number of local kids who had missed watching Arsenal v Milan to turn out to watch Bromley. Seeing them hounding the Bromley keeper for autographs at the beginning of the game reminded me of a scene from Bromley Boys. Of course this may have been part of a ploy to falsify the signature, knick the keepers credit card, and buy trainers from JJB Sports – but I think not. The kids were also very vocal in cheering on their team and responded hillariously to a Staines player falling over by yelling “get up, are you a man or a jelly”. Bromley is in good hands with these lot.

Da Bromley Boys

Post game rub down. One of my favourite South London grounds. The football isn’t always great but the ground, atmosphere, and facilities make up for it.

Thamesmead Town

25 Feb

Bayliss Avenue, Thamesmead, SE28

21 February 2012

Isthmian Division 1 North

Thamesmead Town 0 v Leiston FC 1 (att 63)

Team talk. The weather over the last couple of weeks has all but killed any prospect of seeing some live football in the capital – with most games cancelled due to frozen pitches. It is here that I would have liked to have included some statement about this never happening up north, with supporting anecdote about a time I saw Gritminster United play in a white out – however, it seems that no part of the country has been untouched by the big freeze. But with the weather now improving we thought of no better way to ease ourselves gently back into ground hopping mode than a Tuesday night trip to watch Thamesmead Town.

Like many clubs formed in more recent times Thamesmead Town started life as a community team in 1969, and the programme notes from tonight’s game suggests that they still see themselves this way. The club gained senior status and acceptance to the London Spartan League Premier Division in 1987 before joining the Kent League in 1991. Promotion was gained from the Kent League to the Isthmian Division One North in 2008. This gives the club the distinct honour of being the only team south of the river to play in this division. In the last couple of years they have consolidated their position in the Isthmian North. Some may recall that the club was the subject of a fly on the wall BBC documentary called ‘the Gaffa’ a few years back. The club’s mascot is also of note, ‘Tommy the Toad’ a 6ft tall guy in a toad outfit. I could not find any photos of Tommy (rumour has it that no one who dared photograph him has lived to tell the tale) and he wasn’t at the game tonight, so we’ll have to make do with an imagining below.

The 2011/12 season so far has seen Thamesmead solidly in mid table. They lost their last game against Grays 5-1 and would no doubt be hoping for better against top of the table Leiston today.

For those who don’t know where Leiston is (I had to look it up too) all you need to know is that it’s 107miles north east of Dulwich (in true Team America style) and close to nowhere at all. One thing that can be said is that Leiston are having a great season. Having only been promoted from the Eastern Counties League last year they currently sit atop the Isthmian North.

Park the bus. Thamesmead Town play at Bayliss Avenue, which is a frankly horrific 2 mile walk from Abbey Wood train station. Being responsible types we don’t often say this but, if you can… take a car.

Home advantage. Judging the facilities and atmosphere at Bayliss Avenue seems a little unfair as the ground is currently undergoing a major facelift as part of the Sporting Club Thamesmead development – which will provide a massive new sport and community facility for the area. This work is due for completion in Spring 2012 – seeing the current state of the ground I don’t think there is much chance of this deadline being met.

Hard hat optional

In the meantime Thamesmead Town play on with the work continuing around them. This does make going to the club feel like visiting a building site but frankly we have been to far more depressing non-league grounds where they cannot use redevelopment as an excuse (e.g. Sittingbourne).


The turnstile is accessed on the north side of the ground via the currently unsurfaced car park (£8 admission, £1 for a programme which includes half time raffle tickets). At the north end of the pitch there is a fairly new stand that provides the only seating in the ground. At the opposite south end there is a pigeon stand and the elevated A2016 (Eastern Way) that passes close to the pitch (note – you know you are short of blog material when you are writing about notable roads close to the ground). Other than this, there is some fine corrugated fencing and the ever present sight of the big half built new stand on the west side that gives a glimpse of the future.

South end stand

North pigeon stand

West stand (some day)

Prawn sandwiches.

Luckily (unlike the ground itself) the clubhouse is filled with blogging gold. The snack and beer bar are both in the clubhouse. It is done up in traditional working mans club style and includes St George’s bunting hung from the ceiling. The changing rooms are also attached, which made for some uncomfortable half time moments as we could hear most of the team talks. This included a player from one of the teams getting a right bollocking (or perhaps it was one of the officials).

In the main bar there is a trophy cabinet with what looks like a replica of the UEFA Cup in it. It was also nice to see a Dulwich Hamlet flag give pride of place. Easily the best thing about the bar is the separate VIP adults only area which can be accessed for £3. Obviously we did not visit the VIP area (being a bit tight and all) but we can only imagine what sort of fun goes on. The entrance suggests cheap lap dancing but I imagine it’s perhaps just scrabble.


Masini spots Hamlet flag - so proud


Maybe..... maybe not!!!

We are not able to report anything about the snack bar as there was no food available. The reason for this was that the Charlton ladies team had been in over the weekend and eaten everything… the bastards.

Who ate all the pies (and the rest)?

…..and the game. Leiston started by far the brightest and looked good for their early lead, a well taken lob over the Meady keeper by Gareth Heath. The first half drew to a close with both teams play looking progressively messier. We were sure there would be more goals in the second half. This was not to be, although the second half was far more balanced with the Meadymen looking the better side for periods. Former Dulwich Hamlet forward (and Harlem Globetrotter) Theo Fairweather Johnston looked dangerous at times for Thamesmead, who were probably a bit disappointed not to get something from the game.

Man of the match. During the game we discussed possibly ditching the Man of the Match bit for our Thamesmead post, as frankly finding one was difficult. We were resigned to doing this and then in the 90(+3) mins Thamesmead got a corner. Desperate to equalise they made a decision to do something that I have not seen in a standard league game before… they brought their keeper forward, instantly giving us our man of the match.

Post game rub down. It is very hard to judge Thamesmead Town with the ground in its current state. On the field they play some nice stuff but we felt that they would not easily survive in the current Isthmian Div 1 South League which is as strong as I have ever seen it. Off the field, I would like to return when the ground is finished to reach a final conclusion. So that will be in 2015

Fisher FC

7 Jan

Champion Hill, Dulwich

Kent League (Step 5)

2 January 2012

Fisher FC 0 v Beckenham Town 4 (att 142 )

Team talk. Eagle eyed readers of this blog will know that we have written about Champion Hill before on a visit to see Dulwich Hamlet. This blog entry will focus on Fisher FC. A more detailed description of the ground can be found here.

The club formally known as Fisher Athletic dates back to 1908, formed originally to provide recreational facilities for underprivileged kids in the Bermondsey area. Despite the fan songs and club emblem suggesting that the club name may refer to the sea, Fisher is actually a reference to Catholic Saint, John Fisher.

The high point of the club must be their time spent in the Conference Premier between 1986 and 1991 – although this was followed by successive relegations. Further success came between 2005 and 2008 when they played in the Conference South. The recent off the pitch history is complex, but in short the club moved to ground share with Dulwich Hamlet at Champion Hill in 2004 while a new stadium was developed for Fisher in the Surrey Docks area. Financial difficulties led to the club being wound up in 2009. They reformed almost straight way, owned by a supporters trust, continuing to play at Dulwich Hamlet but in the Kent League, they also dropped the Athletic from the name to be called Fisher FC. The “back to Bermondsey” badges available at the turnstile suggests that finding a new home in Bermondsey is still a major aspiration for the club.

This season Fisher have made good progress in what is a really strong Kent league. Both Fisher and Beckenham Town are contesting for play off places and a win for either team today would move them a step further.

This was the first game of the New Year for me and the game choice really came down to a toss up between this and Erith & Belvedere v Erith Town. The Fisher game looked like the better of the two matches but I was initially resistant due to the club ground sharing at Champion Hill, home to my own team Dulwich Hamlet. Now I don’t have any objection to ground sharing, such arrangements have no doubt kept some clubs afloat and have on occasion proved worthwhile for both teams. No, my resistance to seeing Fisher play at Champion Hill was something far more primitive, almost a sense that it would be disloyal to Dulwich.

…..and the game. Reservations aside, seeing Fisher ended up just feeling a little strange rather than anything else – like that episode of the Twilight Zone where someone wakes up in a world that is familiar yet something is not quite right. It was like a visit to Champion Hill… but not. Where was Griff on the turnstile, Bill the programme seller, where was Mick pestering me for a quid for the golden goal, where was the rabble (nickname for the Dulwich fans). And more importantly WHERE WAS THE PINK AND BLUE???

Being a seasoned ground hopper nowadays I soon got over all this and settled down to watch what was an entertaining game. Personally I thought that 4-0 flattered Becks slightly and there is no doubt that this was a massive result for them. Having seen both teams before I know that they each play great football going forward and neither disappointed today, they are a real credit to the Kent league. If anything were to separate the teams I would say that Becks had a physical edge that Fisher just could not cope with and made all the difference. Fisher were also guilty of a few defensive lapses. As with our recent visit to see Fisher play Cray Valley (Paper Mills), Chan Quan looked impressive on the wing. Alfie Nunn also continues to look good for Beckenham.

A more detailed match report can be found on the Fisher website here.

Pink and who?

Post game rub down. Visiting your ground share is a bit weird and ultimately if you are anywhere near Champion Hill (or even if you are not) I would urge you to wear the pink and blue of Dulwich. That said, the Fisher faithful are a good lot and if you like your football songs with a tinge of irony and good humour then they may be the team for you.

Cray Valley (Paper Mills)

2 Jan

Badgers Sports Ground, Eltham, SE9

Kent League (Step 5)

26 December 2011

Cray Valley (Paper Mills) 1 v Fisher FC 2 (att circa 100)

Team talk. Boxing day is a big occasion in the footballing calendar. It is also a day when non-league football really comes into its own as you are almost guaranteed that your local team with be playing a derby game. This is great as (1) you don’t have to travel too far to watch a game, (2) the fact that the games are local derbies can often give them a spice to rival the old spice you got your dad for Christmas, and (3) as non-league football is generally kinder on the wallet than league you can take all the family to the game (whether they want to go or not). Non-league football advert over, we decided to celebrate this Boxing Day by venturing less than 4 miles from Pigeon Stand base camp to watch the deceptively named Cray Valley (Paper Mills) play Fisher.

Cray Valley (Papers Mills) is deceptive as the club is not located in the Cray Valley and also has no current relationship with a paper mill. The club’s history can be traced back to the early twenties. Whilst records are sketchy it is thought that the club has played in or around what was the Southern Alliance League for much of its existence, playing at the Paper Mills ground at St. Paul’s Cray, Orpington. The manufacturing of paper was a major industry for areas close the River Cray in the 18th and 19th Centuries. Geography suggests that this team now playing in Eltham is likely to be named after Nash’s Mill at St Pauls Cray, which was torn down in 1986.

The club decided to call it a day in 1976, before reforming in 1981. The club’s website says that they have had a somewhat nomadic existence since reforming, playing at a number of venues before settling at their current home in Eltham, SE9.

Since 1981 the club have played in the South London Alliance League, the London Spartan League, and the London Intermediate League, before joining the Kent County League (step 6) in 2001/2. Cray Valley’s most successful season was in 2004/5 when they won the league by 11 points, and also won the Kent Intermediate Challenge Shield and the Inter Regional Challenge Cup. As part of a re-gig of step 6 in Kent for the 2011/12 season Cray Valley were asked to fill a space in the Kent League (step 5).

The 2011/12 did not start particularly well for Cray Valley with the team losing the opening 3 games. Things have picked up of late and the team were unbeaten in four games going into today’s game, this included a massive 4-2 over Erith and Belvedere. This left the team in 12th at the start of play. Opponent’s Fisher were two places above them.

Cray Valley manager Steve Chapman reports in his blog that 3 points against Fisher today was the only thing on his Christmas List. Here’s hoping that Santa would not be in for a kicking.

Park the bus. Cray Valley play at the wonderfully named Badger ground – named in honour of the YouTube hit “the Honey Badger” (not true).

The ground is about 10 minutes walk from Mottingham rail (zone 4) and can accessed from central London by trains from Canon Street and Charing Cross that leave every 20 minutes or so.

Home advantage. It must be said, Cray Valley really know how to welcome their visitors. On approach to the ground we were greeted with a scrolling electronic sign at the main gate welcoming visiting fans. As if this wasn’t enough we were treated to the Bee Gee’s hit “More Than A Woman” over a loud speaker while queuing at the turnstile which is located in the large car park next to the ground.

Just as we were starting to feel special, the VIP treatment ended when we got pitch side. The Badger ground does not have a stand or other covered area, in fact the ground does not even have flood lights (Saturday games at the Badger kick off at 2pm for this reason). It is understood that the flood lights and stands needed to make the ground fit for the Kent league and beyond will be coming in the Spring. The ground is completely open on the south side and fenced on others. A concrete path leads you around the pitch. The clubhouse and changing rooms are located in two buildings in the north east corner of the ground.

Prawn sandwiches. We were starting to think that Cray Valley had invested all spare cash in a flashy electronic sign (I’m imagining a sign sales man and a scene not unlike the one from the Simpsons Monorail episode).

Luckily the bar is newly refurbished and makes a pleasant venue for a half time drink. There is even a beer garden out front that must be very pleasant in the summer – one to avoid on Boxing Day though.


The second half of the game was memorable more for incidents off the pitch rather than on. The unlikely source of the controversy was the tea hut (which is attached to the main club house). A number of fans wanting tea in the second half were turned away as the tea hut ran out of cups – this followed a ten minute episode where staff went off to try to find cups and instead managed to set fire alarms off (luckily the players did not have to evacuate the pitch because of this). This incident led to a fair amount of discontent in the second half – never stand in the way of Brits and their tea.

Disgruntled tea drinkers

…..and the game. A fairly dull game really. Cray Valley probably started the brightest and were good for their goal on half an hour. Fisher perhaps looked the more inventive side, playing some neat football, and deserved to equalise towards the end of the first half (although their goal came from a Cray defensive error).

Both teams were persistent in looking for the winner in the second half, and I personally though it was heading towards a draw. However, in the 91st minute it was Fisher who scored and took the three points.

Man of the match. For a lunchtime kick off on Boxing Day I was impressed with the number of Fisher fans who turned up. It was nice to see a strong visiting support at a step 5 game and their fans lightened a dull affair with some fun singing including the very seasonal “Jingle bells, jingle bells jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to sing when Fisher win away”.

Fisher ultras

Post game rub down. Don’t let the fun name (and sign) fool you, there are probably better non league football trips in this part of London. And visitors should pack a flask just in case the tea’s off.

Thackley FC

11 Nov

04 November 2011

Northern Counties East Premier Division (step 5)

Thackley FC 00  v Scarborough Athletic 05 (att 208)

Dennyfield, Thackley, West Yorkshire


Team Talk. A weekend away visiting the folks in Bradford, West Yorkshire and a great chance to visit one of the many local non league teams that I failed to visit in my years growing up here. As a youngster I was too preoccupied with the exploits of Bradford City to give other local teams the time of day. Like excessive nosehair, the love of non league football seems to be something that comes to most of us later in life. Today I am looking to put this injustice right with a visit to Northern Counties East Premier Division (step 5) side Thackley FC – with my 19 year old non-league virgin brother in tow.

Thackley AFC was founded in 1930 by the younger members of Thackley Wesleyan Methodist Church. This was back in the days when Thackley would have been regarded as a stand alone village, before it was swallowed by Bradford. A founding member of the Northern Counties East Football League in 1982, one of Thackley’s most notable footballing achievements is winning the Bradford and District FA Senior Cup on 13 occasions. This is a competition record.

Thackley can count human bean pole and Bradford City legend Ian ‘Stix’ Ormondroyd amongst their former players. Standing at 6 ft 7 inches – my abiding memory of watching Ormondroyd from the stands at Valley Parade as a nipper was his introduction as a super sub. This was always in the 80th minute and always seemed to be with the sole intention of confusing the hell out of tired opposition defenders with his gangly appearance and his never say die attitude. It was Ormondroyd’s willingness to always have a go (despite obvious lack of any real technique – see classic local news footage below of Stix destroying Cardiff) that makes him one of my all time favorite players to have worn the claret and amber of Bradford City. He is also probably the reason for my continuing enthusiasm for the big man up front (ideally accompanied by a very small strike partner). In recent years, players such as Tooting and Mitchum striker Fola Onibuje and former Dulwich Hamlet forward Scott Edgar have paid their own tributes to Ormondroyd on the pitches of south east London. On the issue of tall players, the stat-tastic and always entertaining Best Eleven did a piece on the world’s tallest footballers last year that is worth checking out.

Ian 'Stix' Ormondroyd

Thackley’s opponents today, Scarborough Athletic, were formed in 2007 by the fan-led Seadogs Trust after Scarborough FC went into liquidation. At present the team ground share with current NCEL Premier Division table toppers Bridlington Town.  Despite having to do the 34 mile round trip between Brid and Scarborough around Flamborough Head to get to home games, the team were promoted from NCEL Division One in 2009. Interest in the club has been high and they are starting to get what can only be described as a bit of a cult following. Part of the reason for this has to be the appointment as manager this season of porno-tashed Chuckle brother a-like Rudy Funk and the signing in recent weeks of another Bradford legend – Dean Windass. It is hard to pick just one favourite Windass moment, but the image of his stunned face following a wonder strike against Liverpool at Anfield in 2000 always sticks in the mind.

They've got the funk.... Rudi Funk

Both Thackley and Scarborough have had strong starts to the season. A quick look at the NCEL Premier Division before the game showed that there was only two points between Thackley in 7th and Scarborough in 4th in what is a really tight league this year.  If results went their way Scarborough could be top of the league by the end of the day – so all to play for.

Park the bus. Thackley play at Dennyfield, which is the reason for their nickname the Dennyboys. Talking about the public transport options here seems like a bit of a waste of time as only dossers, children and the old get the bus in Yorkshire. So I will say only this… there is ample parking.

Home Advantage. Access to Dennyfield is maybe a mile or so from central Thackley – up a narrow country lane where the urban fringe soon gives way to dense woodland. Just before you start to think that you have made a wrong turn that could lead to some awful Evil Dead style consequences there is a clearing in the woodland that leads to the big car park for the main ground. The ground sits nicely on the border between the woodland and farmers fields. Readers of this blog will know that the Pigeon Stands love a ground in the middle of nowhere.

The clubhouse is located in the car park, outside the main ground. It is an understated single storey building that resembles a campsite toilet block from the outside – but is far nicer inside.

Club house

Inside the ground all the buildings run along the west side of the pitch. The main turnstile (£5 in plus £1 for a programme) in the south west corner leads straight into a small concreted area with a few tables and chairs close to the real toilet block and  the burger bar. Further down on the west side is the main seated stand (the only covered area at the ground). The rest of the ground is open, allowing views out to the farmers fields.

South west corner

West stand

Inside west stand

East and south sides

Prawn Sandwiches. Despite the external appearance, the clubhouse is really nice. Very welcoming and mercifully warm. There are two big TVs at either end of the bar showing the football scores (none of the horse racing, Dickinson’s deal, or Morse crap that we have seen elsewhere) and the chat in the bar was lively. The biggest news from the bar being the tale of a game at Eccleshill the week before. A goalkeeper was so annoyed at having a goal awarded against him and getting a yellow card for his reaction that he took the ball and locked himself in the changing rooms – leading to the game being called off. I never got around to asking if they had a spare ball that could have been used to finish the game and should imagine that there was bit of Chinese whispers going on – best not to ask and just enjoy the story I reckon.

The burger bar in the ground wins the award for having the cheapest food I have ever seen at a non league football ground. Now I cannot speak for the quality of the food, but pie and peas for £1.70 seems like a bargain to me.

Burger bar venue

Pie and peas. Ow much!!!

and the game. Massive supporter turnout for Scarborough this afternoon – I would say around three quarters of the 208 fans in attendance were Seadogs. Part of the reason for this may have been that Bradford were at home but there is also no doubt that Scarborough have quite a following.

Thackley just never really got going here. Scarborough played a high tempo game with heavy pressing in the midfield that Thackley could not cope with. Even when Thackley got the ball they never really looked like scoring. After three early goals from the Seadogs it looked like Thackley would be on the wrong end of a stuffing. What the home team threatened to start playing towards the end of the first half they conceded another to make it 4-0 at half time.

The second half continued in a similar way to the first and my only criticism of an excellent Scarborough side is that they only managed to score only one more goal in the second half – they should have had another two or three really. A full match report is here

Dean Windass didn’t start the game and was introduced with 20 mins to go. By this time the game had more of an exhibition match feel to it with Thackley all but dead and buried and utterly clueless. Overall Windass was a willing runner and clearly still has the touch. But the counter attacking game that Scarborough were playing by this point didn’t play to his strengths. Windass’s impact was limited to some first rate banter with the linesman who blew him offside quite a few times and at one stage yelled “yer offside again Deano.. come on sort it out”.

We left the game with the chants of “Deano” ringing in our ears. To be fair the adoration would have been better directed at the rest of the Scarborough team. They were excellent, particularly flying wing man Billy Laws (a proper old school footballers name if ever I heard one).

Dean Windass in training

Man of the Match. My 19 year old brother had a great time at the game and may well now come with me to future games in this neck of the woods. This got me thinking about the youngsters who week in and week out shun league football to visit places like Thackley instead. Hats off to any brave kid who has to tell their school classmates that they support Thackley rather than Bradford or Leeds.

Post-match rub-down. Not a bad little club at all. The few Thackley fans in attendance were very welcoming and the setting of the ground certainly gives you a different experience. I bet it’s bloody freezing in the depths of winter though.

Blackheath Rugby Club

25 Sep

24 September 2011

National Division 1

Blackheath 27 v Wharfedale 24

The Rectory Field, Blackheath

Team Talk. Showing that the Pigeon Stands will not discriminate based on ball or goal shape we decided to check out some south London rugby. This ties in nicely with the Rugby Union World Cup that is currently being played in New Zealand. While perhaps not a popular view, I need events like the Rugby World Cup running alongside a football season that sometimes feels too lengthy.

Many will be aware of the close history that football and rugby share. Until the formal laying down of nationally accepted rules in the latter half of the 1800’s the two games were distinguished only by public school house rules on preferences for kicking or carrying the ball. Carrying famously (and clearly falsely) came about when William Webb-Ellis picked the ball up and ran with it in 1823 during a game at Rugby school. If Ellis had been at my school he would have got a right kicking for such an act, and rightly so.

Like most northern gents I prefer my rugby of the league variety and preferably played by the mighty Bradford Bulls. However I was willing to make an exception for Blackheath, a club worthy of a blog piece if only for it’s history.

Founded in 1858, Blackheath is the oldest open rugby club in the world. “Open” in this context meaning that membership was open to anyone and not only attendees or old boys from a particular school, university or hospital. It is also the third-oldest rugby club in continuous existence in the world, after Dublin University Football Club and Edinburgh Academical Football Club.

Blackheath, along with Civil Service FC, is also one of the two clubs that can claim to be a founder member of both the Football Association and the Rugby Football Union. In 1863 Blackheath took part in the meetings at the Freemasons’ Tavern in London to agree the laws of a game that would come to be recognised as football. Blackheath pulled out of joining the Football Association at the last minute as they could not accept a proposal to remove hacking from the game. Francis Maule Campbell, the 19 year old club treasurer and player, argued at one of the meetings that to remove hacking  would “do away with all the courage and pluck from the game…[and] bring over a lot of Frenchmen who would beat you with a weeks practice.”  In saying this, Maule Campbell perhaps foresaw the emergence of the modern Arsenal team and decided that it was not for him. Blackheath instead formed part of a breakaway group that formed the Rugby Football Union (RFU) in 1871.

New balls please

The club and it’s supporters are clearly very proud of their history.  This is in evidence when supporters shout for “club” during games rather than Blackheath, which dates back to the club’s beginnings. Maule Campbell’s important role in the club’s history was recently celebrated by the unveiling of a sculpture of the player in the main bar. This sculpture was produced by current Blackheath prop Desmond Brett.

Blackheath currently play in the National League 1 (two divisions below the Premiership).  Before today’s game with Wharfedale the club lay in 12th place having won 1 and lost 3 of their opening 4 games. Wharfedale, who are the main sports team in the Yorkshire Dales National Park, had the same record but were two places below Blackheath due to goal/try difference.

Park the bus. Blackheath’s ground at the Rectory Field is a short walk from Westcombe Park rail station (zone 3). Regular trains run from Cannon St (stopping at London Bridge) and takes about 17mins.

Home Advantage. Blackheath have played at the Rectory Field since 1883, having previously played matches on the heath itself, using the nearby Princess of Wales public house for changing and perhaps the odd refreshment.

Welcome mat

The Rectory Field ground is also the home of Blackheath Cricket Club. The main clubhouse at the west end of the pitch is very much in the cricket pavilion style and houses one of Blackheath’s three (yes three!) bars. There is even a fantastic balcony out front to watch the game from. The other two bars (the Barbarian bar and the outside bar) are also at the west end. There is no cover at the opposite end (and no bar) which probably explains why the majority of the support stay at the west end throughout the game.

West end

Club house - west end

Club house - west end

View of east end

On the south side of the pitch there are two raised concrete standing areas that are either side of the covered Peter Piper stand. This stand offers the main pitch side seating area for the ground and is also unquestionably where the peck of pickled peppers picked is kept. The side opposite the Peter Piper stand offers uncovered standing on the grass and temporary raised timber platforms.

South side

South side

Peter Piper stand - south side

North side standing

Today was family fun day. This could only mean one thing. Yes, a bouncy castle for the kids.

Prawn Sandwiches. Did I mention that Blackheath has three bars? The clubhouse bar is well stocked with ale at £2.80 a pint. This must have put the visiting Yorkshire wallets at ease. The clubhouse bar also serves as a trophy room and display space for various historic bits and bobs. The outside bar is much smaller, but perfectly located for nipping away to grab a drink mid game. The third bar is there just in case you cannot get a drink at one of the other two bars. Blackheath really know how to cater to the casual and heavy drinker alike. Beer can be drunk anywhere and the staff will even serve it in 4 pint pitchers. Many football clubs could learn a few lessons from this.

Club house bar

Club house bar

Club house bar trophy room

West end outside bar

Outside bar seating

Oh, and there is of course a burger hut for soaking up all the booze.

West end burger bar

and the game. Not one for the casual spectator this. The game was a very tight affair that was always going to be won by the team that made the least errors (of which there were plenty). The 20-7 half time lead massively flattered the home team and I was advised by Blackheath’s support that the team have thrown away bigger leads in recent time. And sure enough, Blackheath’s margin was slowly chipped away at by Wharfedale in the second half which led to the far tighter 27-24 final score that nevertheless gave Blackheath the win.

Pitcher invasion

Man of the Match. Seeing Wharfedale’s travelling support, many having braved the four hour drive down the A1 from the Yorkshire Dales, made me think about the support from my own Dulwich Hamlet that had hired a mini bus to travel to the Whitehawk estate in Brighton. Such devotion deserves recognition. So there you go.

Post-match rub-down. A fine club with a dedicated support. Well worth a visit if not only for the hospitality.

Beckenham Town

4 Sep

3 September 2011

FA Cup Preliminary Round

Beckenham Town 3 v Walton Casuals 1

Eden Park, Beckenham

Team Talk. Non-league day comes but once a year. The day when Premier League clubs are not in action and their supporters are encouraged to sample the delights of non league football. While non league day represents a much needed cash injection for the clubs, for me it is also a chance to show that the non league game is serious business with clubs, players and fans for whom the game means every bit as much as their league counterparts. It is a matter of pride god damn it.

Beckenham have started the season in pretty reasonable form. Something that fans of the club must be pleasantly surprised by as their pre season was horrendous. This included back to back 6-0 losses against AFC Wimbledon and Tonbridge Angels and a horrific string of defeats against Maidstone Utd (1-5), Welling Utd (1-5) and Herne Bay (2-4). Unfortunately Beckenham Town cancelled their final pre-season friendly against the mighty (and free scoring) Dulwich Hamlet. This was reportedly due to the Eden Park pitch being unavailable for the game. Naturally many amongst the Hamlet faithful opined that Beckenham’s dreadful form had led to them wussing out on the fixture.

Visitors today, Walton Casuals, could perhaps have done without the spotlight of non league day shining on them having started the new season with four straight losses, a start that is described diplomatically on their website as “indifferent”.  Surely they would be hoping that a victory in the FA Cup Preliminary would be just what they needed to get them out of their funk. Those turning up expecting Walton Casuals to put 5 or 6 past lower league opposition would however be disappointed.

Beckenham Town FC, the team formally known as Stanhope Rovers, have been knocking around the Kent league since the 1982/3 season. Beckenham’s best performance in the Kent League was in the 2005/6 season where a team managed by current Dulwich Hamlet manager Gavin Rose missed out on promotion in the last game of the season. The team has a long standing link with Crystal Palace, having been a feeder club for Palace in the 1950s. More recently, former Crystal Palace owner Mark Goldberg played for and managed the club in the 1980s.

Park the bus. Beckenham Town play at Eden Park, a few minutes walk from Eden Park rail station which is served by frequent trains from Charing Cross and Canon Street. Parking is available on site but is not advised as it’s a bit of a free for all.

Total gridlock

Home Advantage. Beckenham Town have called Eden Park home since 1980. The entrance is rather unassuming and the masses of parked cars (see above) on the narrow strip of land that takes you to the turnstiles does not make for much of a welcome.

This all changes once you get beyond the turnstile, as the cluttered feel is replaced with an expanse of green, provided by Beckenham’s main playing pitch and large warm up/reserves pitch that runs parallel.


The timber club house that runs most of the length of the turnstile end of the pitch is a real treat, housing the bar, burger bar, dressing rooms, and no doubt a fine board room for treating those visiting dignitaries. The building looks like it dates from well before the 1980s and makes you wonder if it was brought in from elsewhere. Or perhaps it dates from pre-Beckenham Town days, as it resembles some form of cricket pavilion, a feel that is added to by the grassed area between the clubhouse and the pitch which is effectively used as a beer garden for chilling and watching the game, lovely.


Clubhouse entrance

Cover around the pitch at Eden Park is limited to four short and open pigeon stands (two at the turnstile end and one on either side of the pitch) and a similarly short seated main stand on one side. The lack of cover did not matter to us as (1) it was scorching hot and (2) our seating was sorted early on as we stumbled upon a timber bench that can only be described as pure luxury. Whilst it resembled something my granddad would put in his garden, this was easily the most comfortable seat I have sat in at a football match to date and it kept us from moving for most of the first half. Even the local children, who were stood in front of us, sat down to give us a better view of the pitch (cheers kids).

Clubhouse end

Clubhouse end pigeon stand

Side pigeon stand

Main seated side stand

Seating in the main side stand

While we basked like pigs in muck on our luxury bench, guarding it jealously from all those who dared to even look twice at it, we were slightly crestfallen as we saw what was by far the best seat in the house. This must have been the directors box, a single seat placed on raised scaffolding between the dugouts. Accessed from a window cleaner’s ladder at the rear and resembling something between a tennis umpires seat and a diving board, this clearly gave a panoramic and unrivaled view of the action.

VIP seats

The directors box

Other features of interest at the ground included a classy “Welcome to Beckenham Town FC” etched (almost certainly with a stick) in the concrete at one of the entrances to the pitch, and the variety of warning signs placed around the pitch, including the obligatory “no ball games” (always a classic).

Prawn Sandwiches. If the exterior of the clubhouse at Beckenham has something of the 1950s about it, the bar inside is altogether different. Clearly recently refurbished and done out like a trendy wine bar, even the part of the bar referred to as the “old gits corner” was plush by non-league standards. To maintain the slightly seating related theme, the bar was set off by flash sofas that would not have looked out of place in the houses of Kensington and Chelsea. Drinks were very reasonably priced (ale – £2.70, cider £3) and there was even the option of watching Come Dine With Me on a telly in the bar if we didn’t fancy the second half. Beckenham Town really know how to treat supporters and visitors alike.

Inside club house

Bar - old gits corner

Similarly well priced were the burgers (£2) which were served up with a smile by hospitality manager Yvonne from a hole in the wall next the bar.

Burger hole

and the game. Despite the reservations beforehand, this turned out to be a fine game. This never looked like a game between two teams that were low on confidence. Nor did this Beckenham side look like the same team who were described as looking “a little out of shape” by the authors of this blog during our visit to VCD Athletic last season.

In fact the football on display was of high quality with Walton in particular showing some lovely touches early on and making a push for goal. This effort was rewarded with the award of a penalty after 15 mins which allowed the visitors to go one up. Becks responded fantastically by pinning the Walton defence back for long periods of the first half. The leveler for Beckenham was the conclusion of an incisive breakaway on the half hour mark that was coolly finished by the outstandingly named Elstrom Die.

As they had played at such a high tempo in the first half we suspected that Beckenham would run out of steam in the second and could be ripe for a pounding. However this proved not to be the case and, led by their talismanic striker Die, they soldiered on. Yes I can confirm that Beckenham Town DIE HARD (sorry).

In reality it was always going to take something pretty special to separate these two teams. And special it was, a goal of such sublime comedy that even the Edinburgh Fringe’s annual comedians v critics charity match could not have produced it. Starting harmlessly enough from one of the many Becks breakaways, things descended into madness with an edge of box drive that looked set for the top corner. To the surprise of many the ball hit the underside of the crossbar, remaining in play and then cannoning off an unsuspecting Walton defender in the six yard box. The ball then somehow managed to find its way to hitting the keeper square in the face before landing in the back of the net. Even the linesman could not help but laugh uncontrollably as the keeper sat clutching his face in agony. While I was not able to film the incident this video should give a flavour of the hilarity.

Oh yes, and Becks scored a third to guarantee their place in the next round of the FA cup and leave us having watched a thoroughly entertaining game.

Shots of the action (but unfortunately not one of the keeper taking one in the face – so to speak) can be found here

Man of the Match. “Non league day is a brilliant idea” not my words but the words of ex England winger and mullet wearer Chris “looked a bit lazy but was actually mint” Waddle. Waddle should know as he is the proud ambassador of non-league day. More importantly the day is also endorsed by Dulwich Hamlet man mountain Francis “the Count” Duku, and trust me you do not mess with the Dukes if you know what’s good for you. In fact, to maximise support for next year’s non league day I would suggest a poster campaign like this:

Seriously though, non league day is only in its second year and already feels like a much anticipated part of the non-league calendar. This can only be down to the hard work of my men and women of the match, the organisers of non –league day. Let’s also not forget those of us who attend non league games week in week out who have also done a great job spreading the word.

Post-match rub-down. Right, Beckenham Town. What can I say other than they appeared to be a well supported club with a team that play the game the right way. Did I also happen to mention the quality of the seats?